Goddamn, it’s frustrating to write a review about a place that offers nothing spectacular to rave on with AND merits nothing to b*tch about. Just nothing at all.

It’s the bland and mediocre that lay waste to life, and blessed be the day when a man comes to power with the grit to commandeer a bulldozer in the guise of reform, which levels all things that offer nothing.Nothing is the enemy.

Hunt the b*stard down and ship him, with the rest of his lot – to some place that hails and harbors the nothings of the world. Like North Dakota. Merkur is nothing special. A kavarna hidden away along Dlouha passage across from Tom Tom.

The first impression when you turn the bend and see it parked at the end of the hall is pretty much already spent because more than likely you’ve already choked yourself on places of this sort.

Everything offered is up to the standard, but then again who the hell lives life for the standard. Although they do hold up to their claim for hot meals at a good price in the center; it’s a bad sign when you flip through the eats menu and the only thing that offers any sort of appeal, is the novelty that they actually have the balls to list “Goulash ‘a la minute’.”

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The prices are fair, but then again, so is the food. The booze they pack is pretty much standard, although it is a plus whenever you see a healthy bottle of Makers on the shelf and the 36Kc price tag for the double mug of pivo geared to lick the thirst and get lubed up for the next pub in line.

Then again, by no means is this not a reason to go there. But bear in mind that, on no terms, is this the sort of place to head over to with a group of dangerous types looking for a burn. Nor the sort of hole that one can seep in to be alone and waste time after all the options are spent.

If Merkur is anything, it’s the place where you meet up with some friends, and then after you’ve spent ten minutes waiting for “it” to happen, you get antsy and herd everyone out the door to someplace that can offer you something more attuned to what you’re after.

Thus, is a sense, Merkur is like purgatory: a waiting room for everything else outside that’s either ascending or descending. The only people whom have been able to find any sort of stable there, are the abundant group of FAMU students that horde the place. Of course, the primary logic behind this is the fact that the school is right across the street. So if you happen to stumble in, you’re essentially selling yourself short for the real score


Dlouhá 39, Praha 1 in the passage Divadla v Dlouhé, +420 777 165 730, +420 777 723 719, www.timqui.net/kavarna-merkur/